I woke this morning with a desperate urge to call my dad.
I don't know why or where the need came from it was just something that needed to be done right away. In most cases I would have just let the thought pass, put it on the back burner, I would get to it later when I had time.
Maybe after my housework was done, you know how the vacuuming, laundry and dishes just cant wait. And then there's the bill's you have to make sure they get paid and don't forget the grocery shopping, and what about the carpool. And lets not forget lunches for the kids and dinner for the family.
Oh yes there were many pressing things that also needed to be taken care of before I would have just enough time to make that phone call.
|that's me in the middle|
This wasn't the first time I would need to put off a family call or visit. Their family they'll understand, their days are just as busy as mine, they know I love them, I know they love me.
But something was different when I woke this morning with the urge to call my dad right away. No matter how much I had to do it would have to wait, nothing was more important than making this one phone call.
I found myself trying to recall just where I left my cell phone, and wondering just what time it was anyways? Oh well I might be waking him up but the call needed to be made. So I sat up rubbed the sleep from my eyes so I could see the numbers on my phone, and that's when it hit me like a lighting bolt to my heart.
I couldn't call my dad, he had passed away three years ago. What was I thinking I thought to myself with a bit of anger, but mostly lose.
The events of this morning stayed with me all day, I couldn't shake the fact that I thought I should call my dad. I knew he was not here and could not be reached by the telephone, so I did the next best thing I could thing of. I sat down and said a pray to my dad.
We talked of family and friends and how much he would have enjoyed attending his granddaughters wedding, and how much he would have loved meeting his great-grandson.
We talked of riding our Harley's and how the weather was changing, and how it was time to retire the bike for the winter. I knew this was always a hard time of the year for him, because he so much loved to ride, but I also reminded him of all that lovely snow he would soon have to shovel, that always got a good response. Although I could not give him a hug and kiss good by, I did let him know that I would chat with him again real soon.
After our conversation I just sat quietly for a while, I guess my day just wasn't that busy after all. I remembered that two days before my dad passed away we had lunch together, we talked of his childhood growing up in Mexico, moving to the United States when he was just nine and how he could speak no English. We had a great lunch that day with my dad, my husband and daughter were also there and had many questions to ask.
When we left the restaurant that afternoon I remember telling him how much I loved him and the did the same for me, we hugged and waved good by. As he and my step-mother drove away I had the funniest thought. I thought to myself my dad's hair was a little messed up in the back, like he had forgot to comb it. You would have to know my dad, he never went anywhere with out having his boots shined up and his hair combed. He also seemed a little more tired as well, heck he's only sixty-four, maybe he's just not sleeping very well. We both seem to have that problem, not sleeping well at night. I shook of that thought and decided I'd check in on him Saturday, maybe have lunch again.
But Saturday never came I was called on Friday night by my stepmother letting me know that my wonderfully funny, loving, energetic father had a massive stroke and that I needed to get to the hospital. My dad passed away quietly that evening surround by family and friends.
Again I found myself now sitting and wondering about my need to call my dad, maybe it's because today is his birthday and he is so much in my thoughts this time of the year.
I don't really have a moral to the story at this time, I guess you just need to take what you can from my ramblings and do with it what you may.
I just want to give a big shout out at this time to my family.
To my girls, I love you both dearly,
thanks for filling my life with ribbons, prom dresses and laughter.
To my sonny boy,
thanks for sharing your hot wheels and potato bugs,
you always crack me up!!
To my loving husband,
I love you always.
I love you always.